Unnecessary Colons

So here's the deal: I'm grounded from my life till I get my grades back up. However, my Mom is terribly enthralled with a phone call as of now, and I'm sneaking in a blog post, because I feel like I have an obligation to do so. I mean, I haven't done this in like... 2 months... or something. I'm not going to go check.

Anyhoodle, so much has happened since then. However, rather than giving you a three page, pointless rant about each major event that happened, I'm just going to sum it up in one word, and let you use your imagination to figure out why.

Homecoming : Exasperating.
First World History Test : Mind-Boggling
Marching Band : Eleven
School In General : Life-Consuming
PSAT: Fun (I really like correcting people's grammar.)

Hmm. I thought my life consisted of more than that. I guess not.

I suppose my point is: I want to quit my life and start anew as a wandering vagrant. My abundance of problems would disintegrate. All I would have to worry about is where I would sleep and who I would eat. (I'm assuming most vagrants are mildly cannibalistic.) I could yell belligerently at passer-bys and do my laundry in whiskey.

I don't know where this is going so: (by the way, the theme of this blog is Unnecessary Colons, if you couldn't already tell)

My Least Favorite Reality-Type Game Shows:

5. Survivor

I remember when the first Survivor came out, and started this Reality Show Revolution. Survivor is what I think really started it all. Now, in the beginning, it was a novel idea; people living out in the jungle simply trying to survive (and do random tasks and what-not.) But after many years, this idea has grown tired, and boring. We've come to Survivor: China. I mean, China's not that bad. It's not as isolated and deslolate sounding as like, a lonely island. Soon they'll run out of foreign places and have to start Survivor: North Dakota, or Survivor: New Jersey. (Which, respectfully, probably have their own unique challenges.) However, I think Survivor is one of those shows that just need to end. No one will miss it. It just needs to be let go. Like an old faithful dog in pain with broken back, just let it go.

4. America's Got Talent

There are a lot of reasons this show doesn't work. I wish it did, however. There are a lot of random talented people that have no real place to show off their obscure abilities. However, it's very hard to judge singing against ventriloquist-ing. Or flute playing against interpretive dancing. It's like (for the lack of a better similie) comparing apples to oranges. It's just not plausible. I think the writers of the show realized that, and so they did what all shows do when they find themselves in a corner: ask America. As if Americans know the difference between good and bad. The majority of us voted for Bush... twice! Why on earth would you ask the masses what is best? As for AGT's panel of judges, I think they basically just called all the out of work B-List celebrities, and came up with Sharon Osbourne and David Hasslehoff. Why exactly would they be good judges of anything? Sharon married Ozzy Osbourne, who... doesn't even need an explanation! And The Hoff is an angry drunk who yells at his daughter and eats hamburgers of the floor. Why should these people even be on television? Once again, the writers realized this, and called on the second biggest Reality-Game-Show cliche: A random critical British guy.
That way it looks like it's mildly accurate. To top it all off, we grab Jerry Springer, famous for shows with cheating transvestites, and have him host this monstrosity of a show. Sounds like a keeper.

3. elimiDATE

This show is so very improbable. Let's start with the premise: An incredibly attractive guy chooses his date from 5 skank-faces. First of all, how many handsome and charming single guys are out there? Theoretically, this man should not need elimiDATE in the first place, unless he has some horrible flaw, like AIDS or he's dangerously racist or something. Now, this horribly flawed attractive young man has the privilege of choosing from 5 ho-bags. I'm not really exaggerating this one. These are girls who are willing to make out with people before they know their name. That's not really socially acceptable, or sanitary for that matter. After they've made their acquaintances, they are then placed in an awkward situation. For example, one time they went to this sushi restaurant that served it's food on naked people. Like, the person was the plate, because nothing says "I want to get to know you" than eating raw fish off of an unclothed person. Then the guy chooses three girls to go the next "round." This continues till he's found his "perfect match." I'm assuming most people don't talk to each other after they're done with the show, but assuming the relationship does work out, how would you be able to tell people you met on a sleazy game show? "Hey Mom, meet my girlfriend... Shindelleia... she was the skankiest out of five girls." I mean, it's just so illegitimate.

2. Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?

The two main things that make this show unbearable (or would make any show unbearable for that matter) are:

Stupid Americans

and

Jeff Foxworthy

Do I need to explain?


1. The Next Great American Band

This is by far the worst show on television, ever. Worse than "Two And A Half Men" and "According to Jim" combined.

It defies everything I stand for. They take crappy bands, tell America that this is what good music should sound like, and have America vote. Like I said, America shouldn't do voting of any kind! Especially not for music. The general masses think that Britney Spear's "Gimme More" is good. And it is very clearly not.

I think this show would bother me less if they did it fairly. You know, like, actually taking the best bands and having real music judges. But no, they take random bands from each genre, and try to pretend like it's possible to compare them to each other. Music is so subjective, you can't tell me The Strokes are bad because you don't like them, just like I technically can't say My Chemical Romance is bad. You can't say that a screamo band called "Light of Doom" is better than a country band called "Cliff Wagner and the Old #7". You just can't. They aren't on the same scale. It's each person's individual opinion! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT'S GOOD AND WHAT'S BAD! IT'S MY DECISION. THIS IS AMERICA, KIDS. I GET TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS. (Except voting for stupid reality shows.)


Okay. Well.

Thanks to all both of you that read this. It means a lot to me.